♥ Thursday, January 26, 2012
♥
WEDDING WOES
i used to always envy other girls, staring at their wedding bands while in the mrt or on buses.
looking at people's fb or wedding blogs on their wedding.
but when the time gets closer and closer, i kinda freak out.
i guessed this should be quite normal for any girl right?
it takes so much responsibility in maintaining a home just for us two.
and its gonna be just us two.
that's is why we argued in the past that we can't have a baby now.
we can't even afford for ourselves, why bring the baby to this world to suffer right?
i can't even look after myself. as in I still have to rely on my parents by staying in their house, using their electricity, water, internet and eating their food. if i'm going to start a family, we need a place to stay right?
but bf has such bad relations with his father, the sight of us pissed him so bad that we can't stay together at his place even after we get married. then how?
only choice is to wait till our house is completed then can get married lor. seriously i don't blame him for this. i don't mind waiting for another few years to get married. afterall i love my bf very much and i just want to be with him for the rest of our lives, therefore we've got plenty of time to ourselves in the future, there's no hurry.
bf and i quarreled less but still occasionally and most of the time we'll take a day or two off from each other.
totally no contact no nothing and it works for us. cause other that we'll be all refresh and love each other very dearly again.
what if we're living together and we gotta face each other everyday? are we gonna have more conflicts?
what if our arguments get so heated up then where are we gonna stay if one of us got chased out?
we both have very different views and most of the time its difficult to see eye to eye, i'm kinda afraid of his temper too. =(
talking about money, seriously everyone knows i don't earn much. and i catered quite a huge sum of my salary to my family which left me with a pathetic amount. beside that i've to set aside some money for our house, which I kinda regret why we chose such a huge house. bf says we're young and since we can afford it, why not? in my heart i am still wondering if we can afford it? pay till how old? my money is not even enough to pay my bills, how am i going to afford paying my future house's airconditiong electricity, water, internet, cable tv, daily groceries and bf's car fuel etc? it's all about money. none of us can afford not to work even for a single day as it would jeopardize our whole financial situation. don't even think about having a baby. eventhough we set aside 2 rooms for 2 children but raising a child is also about money and worse still my future MIL is not willing to look after our kids. my mum? she has 3 grand children to look after already and somemore my family all staying in the west and i gonna stay in the east in the future. HO SEI LIAO LOR.
when bf proposed like anyhow without any ravishing setups, dinners, flowers etc. i was so immature back then kept complaining about not having all these when my proposal ring itself is worth so much more. i can't believe bf is so generous guess he really loves me alot. then we started to quarrel over the ring as he's quite broke after buying it, over our rom plans this year end cause we've got ABSOLUTELY NO EXTRA MONEY but since he've already promised to solemnised our marriage by this year, he wanted to keep to that promise, over not saving enough money for our house as we need approx $40k by 2013 as it seems like everyone's getting their house earlier and earlier than the predicted date of collection.. and the list goes on and on. then i started to think, aren't weddings suppose to bring people together and live happily ever after? like how come haven't even get married, just planning only already make till so unhappy. sigh.
bf started to set up the budget plans. we's gonna save how much and how much everything other thing costs including wedding and house. purchasing of our wedding bands and our simple rom lunch buffet projected to complete by end of this year, if we have extra money we will go overseas to take our pre-wedding photoshoot in 2013, house collection by late 2013 or early 2014, renovations, furnitures and when we finally settle down at our lovenest then proceed with our customary wedding with just a simple buffet and our honeymoon which i chose a very low-down destination of either Taiwan or Hongkong we both prefer taiwan though. and yes i'm not going to have those grand ballroom wedding dinner cause i absolutely got not much friends or relatives to invite. I'M SUCH A LONER, yes dig that. and also i've to consider for bf as his family aren't going to contribute to our wedding. it's just going to be us two paying for everything which bf is so proud of. we're so much independent then after couples who depend on their parents and no we shan't envy such people!
talking about staying together with my bf or husband to be, we're gonna share the house chores, we need to buy our own groceries, cook our own meals, pay our own bills, do our own cleaning, wash our own dishes, iron our own clothes and there's so much more on the lists which i don't even want to think about it. i'm so gonna miss my family and my mum who are all staying in the west! will bf be sensitive enough to look after my feelings such as being so homesick and far away from all the people i've known? all staying in the west! i'm going to be more than ever aloneeeeeeeeeee in the east. will he even take the time to drive me back to my mum's over the weekends? so many questions in my mind. T_T
as you all know my bf very flirt one lor. after he broke up with his longtime gf, he took it so hard that he kept changing gf and fling fling nonstop like changing underwears! in the beginning when he's together with me he still never change! we broke up many times and quarrel until dunno like what until now sometimes still ocassionally fling fling behind my back. damn kns right. until now we're not on each other msn or facebook due to this. and worse of all he nickname me shitty names in on his iphone contacts with no photo one. haha! yah of course such minor things i also jealous la, u won't jealous meh if your bf save all the other girl contacts nicely with sweet photo of themselves which obviously they send him and he save their photos in his hp then can put as contact picture what. And naturally i am damn pissed but it is true that imma such a jealousy bitch and i LOATHE all of his girlfriends in fb!!!! I rather not see them then we won't quarrel. close 1 eye you know? BUT!!!!!!!! what if we get married and he still never change? i wondered if any of his friends or colleague knows he's attached and getting married to me. after all i've never met any of his friends except a 3-5peeps which we bumped into when we're outside? what if he cheats on me even when we're married? he still warn me about middle age crisis. like what the fuck is that? he's says when men gets older they tend to cheat themselves into believing they're still young by wearing youngsters clothings, dating younger girls to convince themselves that they still got the VIBE or charisma. wtf much? And what if we get divorced? where am i going to stay!!!
and just worrying about the rom now. i gave bf the privilege of choosing our wedding bands as i get to choose my ideal design of my proposal ring. whats the purpose of the girl choosing her ideal wedding band to match her proposal ring and her husband doesn't like the design and doesn't want to wear it. defeat the purpose right?! and bf choose those dark greyish thick metallic graphite MANLY rings made from material like tungsten? i've never heard of tungsten except in light bulbs? HAHA. purchasing them over the internet means we've got no quality and size control over our rings, no guarantee that the seller won't run away with our money, these rings are quite costly to start with and also the waiting time. if the rings don't fit we need to reorder it which means another sum of money for the same exact ring and much longer waiting time. but as long as he likes it, i'll definitely support his decisions.
and about my rom gown. I'M FUCKING HOLY SHIT FAT NOW. fattest in my whole entire 25 years of life. i don't even want to step on that weighing machine! i know i'll break into tears after that. bf teases me all the time about my figure, calling me names like FATTY BOMBOM, 肥肥 but he never fail to encourage me to lose weight. sometimes i can so depressed and upset, i asked him to cancel the rom and we shouldn't get married. sometimes i even apologize to him for throwing his face as he got such a ugly and fat gf but to my surprise he's answers are always positive like encouraging me to lose weight, sending me email late at night on ways to lose weight and he himself set an example for me by offering to accompany me to lose weight. i hate how i look now. i cannot imagine myself wearing a tube dress without anything to cover my flabby arms and my thunder elephant thighs. HOW TO ROM LIKE THAT? where to find a dress that fits my size? =(
and the venue is another problem! i've done many research last year regarding our solemnization venue and packages and guess what? just because this year is the YEAR OF DRAGON and in traditional chinese beliefs it is super auspicious to get married or give birth to a dragon baby. therefore MANY PEOPLE are gonna get married this year and the package price just jerk up $200-$500 more. WHY LIKE THAT ONE?!? bf set budget for ROM only $3k lor. $3k can do what?!? he still ask me not to panick over it and we'll go shopping of venues soon. but i'm really worried. what if we can't get a venue on the date we want? sure fully book one lor. even his brother wedding in may this year he also book 1 year ago.
and that leads to the DATE. i tell youuuuuuuuuuuu, bf's zodiac is CHICKEN and i am TIGER. lol NOONE WANTS TO MARRY A TIGER WIFE. somemore my zodiac so fierce! tiger sure eat chicken one. the geomancer or fengshui master COMFIRM PLUS CHOP say we not fit for each other then cannot marry lor! somemore i've checked our horoscopes compatibility. he is a SAGITTARIUS, i'm a GEMINI. COMPLETELY NOT FIT AT ALL. one of the worse combinations! keep quarrel one! no wonder i've never got problems communicating with my ex bfs except him. worse still my bf and his family is SUPER BELIEVER AND SUPERSTITIOUS. i've never met such superstitious people in my entire 25 years of life. it affects their lifes so badly like their names are chosen by the master, when they should celebrate their birthdays(whole family don't celebrate their birthday on the exact day), their house furniture placement.. and so many many other things.. WHAT IF THEY BELIEVE WHAT THAT MAN SAID AND DECIDED NOT TO GET MARRIED WITH ME.. that freaks me out completely!
okay i've enough complaining for the day. it's almost 3am and i gotta go to bed now.
good night.
falling another tear @ [/2:42 AM]
♥ Monday, January 16, 2012
♥
CHINESE NEW YEAR's coming soon...
JUST NEXT WEEK!
Everyone excited ya? I've done half of my spring cleaning. All thanks to my bf.
Whose bf so silly like this one, help me clean up all my cupboards, wardrobe and even wash my fan!
Got about 5 boxes of clothes to sell / give away.. Madness..
CNY plants we bought for luck!
my mini CNY corner at bf's place..
A TRIAL GYARU MAKE UP DAY...
AND SARAH 25th BIRTHDAY CELEB LAST YEAR.. PICTURES (5 MONTHS LATE..)
attendees: jinling bestie, sarah, min and me!
location: marina gallery's wild honey
cute CHOWCHOW spotted outside! what a lucky dog! get pushed around in pram one..
haha.. what a sad face it has.. its size is really effin HUGEEEE
falling another tear @ [/4:27 PM]
